So, my period started…

Well, my period started this morning. I’m going to keep my doctor’s appointment for tomorrow, mostly because she’s not in today and I can’t really check with her to see if she still wants to see me anyway. Besides, she might have my blood test results from the 8 vials they took last week (none were for pregnancy) and then I can find out if my testosterone levels are still good on Yasmin.

I don’t know if any of you have taken Yasmin, but someone from a PCOS message board told me that Yasmin did odd things to her cycle. Made it much lighter… and apparently, they pride themselves on this, not realizing that those of us who desperately want to know we can be pregnant might read something into those super light cycles.

And frankly, if it was just a “light” cycle, I might adjust to it. It wasn’t, not last month. It was bizarre. I also had it start on Friday (which in and of itself sucks ass). It was very light - much lighter than my “normal” first day with Ortho tri… and then by Friday night, NOTHING! Then Saturday afternoon, more very light. Sunday it was a bit heavier (but far from heavy) than it had been - for like five minutes. By Sunday night - GONE! Then Monday, more light spotting. It was seriously annoying. I kept thinking it was over, but then it came back!

I don’t mean to complain about a four day, light period… it’s just the sporadic nature of it that annoyed me. Oh, that and the fact that it ruins me for weekend sex. With Ortho Tri it started early Wednesday morning (almost always by 10 am) and then by Saturday afternoon it was almost always gone… there were a few exceptions, but not many, in the almost seven years I was on them.

So… if the lower testosterone was a fluke, I might go back on Ortho Tri. Honestly, I never had such bad PMS on that, either. Well… not exactly true. I sometimes had bad cramps and I did see more blood clots… but I wasn’t an emotional roller coaster on it. This last bout of PMS was just freakin’ awful. My poor husband… I felt so bad for him. I mean, sure it sucks for me, too… but it makes me really unpleasant to live with, I’m sure.

At any rate, the start of my period essentially guarantees I’m not pregnant. I saw that telltale pink and just wanted to cry. Well, I did cry. I tried to put on a brave face when I went in to let my husband know… I said, “well, you’ll be relieved to know that my period seems to be starting.” He didn’t dance or sigh with relief. He opened his arms and hugged me tightly while I cried, and he told me it will be time for us soon… he knew how much I wanted this, even though it would’ve been unplanned and really not at all ideal timing. He told me that he wants it, too… and he’s ready, but that we need more time to let our lives stabilize after the move and the start of his business. I know he’s right… and the last thing I want is to bring a into our lives at a time that I know will make everything harder. I know it’s better to be as ready as possible and to plan for it…

Just trying telling my hormonal-craving side all of that. She wants no part of rational thought. She just wants a tiny pink in its arms… sure, she doesn’t have to pay the bills!

If my doctor is willing, I think I’ll have her do the blood test anyway. I just need to hear that it’s 100% not happening, so that if/when this period is as fucked up as the last one, I don’t start thinking this again. It’s not good for me to do this to myself… and it’s not fair to put my husband through it again, either.

My big concern now is, so I’m not pregnant… then why the hell have I been nauseated every damn day for two + weeks???